Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Lord, break our heart with what breaks Yours' ...

Remember that silly song by Billy Ray Cyrus?  (Bet you're going to be annoyingly humming it in your head all day now) "My Achy Breaky Heart"    Alrighty, so now I want you to forget that silly song.  

Let's talk about aching, breaking hearts.  I know what that feels like.  And I know you do, too.

Sometimes life just hurts – a lot.   And our tender hearts feel like they are breaking into a million pieces.

I'm feeling this way right now.  Oh, so weighed down by the travails and troubles of living.  No pity party – just a heavy dose of reality lately.

It is time to accept what is…        But, the reality of now is hard…and it hurts.

My *mother heart* is breaking.  It's been really hard learning to let go. To watch my sons as they sometimes struggle to live life.   This is a tough season in each of their lives right now:
future-planning, &
relationship-sorting, along with the dailyness of their LIVES.

I miss happy faces – and simple problems with simple solutions.

Sometimes I long for the days of scraped knees and spelling tests.  For the "little" anxieties of life – the ones that I had some control over.  Even the 'why' questions ...

Now I watch from the sidelines in many ways, yet up close and personal if you know how our family dynamics is at the moment.  And when either of them aches, my heart breaks.  And they would have nothing ~ NO THING ~ part of my assisting in helping them solve any issue.

I've heard it said, "A mother is only as happy as her saddest child."         Oh yes.

My *me heart* is aching, breaking too.  This past year brought many changes to my life, to say the least. Yet I know that I know that I know ~ God knows the very place we will live (Acts 17:26) to have our being, to move & to breathe. All for His glory ... and we get to LIVE this out.  If I had designed my life, it would look nothing like I have & yet, I am blessed, loved and know that I know that I know that God is good & God is God (and I am not!).

Friendships changed, routines got altered, family got re-defined, move after move after move for so many, a LOT changed!   Life lessons – and faith lessons – have been learned. And I might add, I've failed in many of the life & faith lessons too. Thank goodness I'm NOT where I was & that I not ever going to be perfect but I am getting better!!            But it’s been hard…and it hurts.  (KWIM?)

The more I try to relax, the more tense I get about relaxing.  The more I think it was better when ... I instantly remember, NO! it wasn't. That's why I have today! and often stick my foot directly into my mouth and end up apologizing for my childish and selfish behaviors.

And then, the thoughts come.  The ruinous ruminations.  The crushing cares.  The aching & the breaking.   "Lord, I hurt!"   Sometimes I wonder – where is God in all of this?  Does He hear?  Oh yes, I know He does.  Does He care?   More than I’ll ever know.

You see, He has a Son's aching heart.  He has a Father's breaking heart.
He has a heart that hurts like mine.
For He remembers what He created.  He misses the happy faces of Eden.  He longs for the restoration of His perfect world.  He has a heart – much bigger than mine.  Filled with an unfathomable love that I doubt I'll ever fully understand.

Yes, He provided the ultimate cure for the aching, breaking heart.  (Thank goodness for that!)  But hearts are still broken while we live out our lives.

And sometimes, my achy breaky heart wonders:

God, where are You in all of this?    Let me tell you – HE. IS. RIGHT. HERE.  In the day-to-dayness, the confusion, the hurt, the isolation, the wondering "what did I do so wrong?"
Right next to me, through it all.  Closer to me than my next breath ~ as He is my next breath. I need not panic, get frustrated, get angry, for NONE of that is of Him. Yet, love, joy, peace, patience, kindess, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control (fruit of the Spirit ~ Gal. 5:23-24) are of Him. Mixed with a thankful heart!!

I honestly don't know how I could live a day of my life without the sure knowledge of His unchanging character and His constant Presence, His Peace and His grace.  As I've come to be addicted to grace!

Life is hard…and it hurts.        But God is bigger.         and for today I am learning & living ....

I am the light of the world.   Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness.
"And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is.

May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."  Ephesians 3:18-20

What is breaking your heart right now?  With the disastrous tornado yesterday in OK, I know that is in your hearts ... what else breaks your heart? What is causing you heartache?  How do you need to feel God's love?  Let's hum this song "Jesus loves me, this I know ~ for the Bible ______________!!"

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