Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Lord, break our heart with what breaks Yours' ...


Remember that silly song by Billy Ray Cyrus?  (Bet you're going to be annoyingly humming it in your head all day now) "My Achy Breaky Heart"    Alrighty, so now I want you to forget that silly song.  

Let's talk about aching, breaking hearts.  I know what that feels like.  And I know you do, too.

Sometimes life just hurts – a lot.   And our tender hearts feel like they are breaking into a million pieces.

I'm feeling this way right now.  Oh, so weighed down by the travails and troubles of living.  No pity party – just a heavy dose of reality lately.

It is time to accept what is…        But, the reality of now is hard…and it hurts.

My *mother heart* is breaking.  It's been really hard learning to let go. To watch my sons as they sometimes struggle to live life.   This is a tough season in each of their lives right now:
Identity-seeking
future-planning, &
relationship-sorting, along with the dailyness of their LIVES.

I miss happy faces – and simple problems with simple solutions.

Sometimes I long for the days of scraped knees and spelling tests.  For the "little" anxieties of life – the ones that I had some control over.  Even the 'why' questions ...

Now I watch from the sidelines in many ways, yet up close and personal if you know how our family dynamics is at the moment.  And when either of them aches, my heart breaks.  And they would have nothing ~ NO THING ~ part of my assisting in helping them solve any issue.

I've heard it said, "A mother is only as happy as her saddest child."         Oh yes.

My *me heart* is aching, breaking too.  This past year brought many changes to my life, to say the least. Yet I know that I know that I know ~ God knows the very place we will live (Acts 17:26) to have our being, to move & to breathe. All for His glory ... and we get to LIVE this out.  If I had designed my life, it would look nothing like I have & yet, I am blessed, loved and know that I know that I know that God is good & God is God (and I am not!).

Friendships changed, routines got altered, family got re-defined, move after move after move for so many, a LOT changed!   Life lessons – and faith lessons – have been learned. And I might add, I've failed in many of the life & faith lessons too. Thank goodness I'm NOT where I was & that I not ever going to be perfect but I am getting better!!            But it’s been hard…and it hurts.  (KWIM?)

The more I try to relax, the more tense I get about relaxing.  The more I think it was better when ... I instantly remember, NO! it wasn't. That's why I have today! and often stick my foot directly into my mouth and end up apologizing for my childish and selfish behaviors.

And then, the thoughts come.  The ruinous ruminations.  The crushing cares.  The aching & the breaking.   "Lord, I hurt!"   Sometimes I wonder – where is God in all of this?  Does He hear?  Oh yes, I know He does.  Does He care?   More than I’ll ever know.

You see, He has a Son's aching heart.  He has a Father's breaking heart.
He has a heart that hurts like mine.
For He remembers what He created.  He misses the happy faces of Eden.  He longs for the restoration of His perfect world.  He has a heart – much bigger than mine.  Filled with an unfathomable love that I doubt I'll ever fully understand.

Yes, He provided the ultimate cure for the aching, breaking heart.  (Thank goodness for that!)  But hearts are still broken while we live out our lives.

And sometimes, my achy breaky heart wonders:

God, where are You in all of this?    Let me tell you – HE. IS. RIGHT. HERE.  In the day-to-dayness, the confusion, the hurt, the isolation, the wondering "what did I do so wrong?"
Right next to me, through it all.  Closer to me than my next breath ~ as He is my next breath. I need not panic, get frustrated, get angry, for NONE of that is of Him. Yet, love, joy, peace, patience, kindess, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control (fruit of the Spirit ~ Gal. 5:23-24) are of Him. Mixed with a thankful heart!!

I honestly don't know how I could live a day of my life without the sure knowledge of His unchanging character and His constant Presence, His Peace and His grace.  As I've come to be addicted to grace!

Life is hard…and it hurts.        But God is bigger.         and for today I am learning & living ....

I am the light of the world.   Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness.
"And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is.

May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."  Ephesians 3:18-20

What is breaking your heart right now?  With the disastrous tornado yesterday in OK, I know that is in your hearts ... what else breaks your heart? What is causing you heartache?  How do you need to feel God's love?  Let's hum this song "Jesus loves me, this I know ~ for the Bible ______________!!"

Monday, May 20, 2013

Spring = Strong STORMS & yet they happen in life ALL THE TIME

Storms in our lives ... "If God really works in everything — then why don’t we thank Him for everything?” Now that's a bit large to swallow and grasp!!

“For everything ~ everything you provide, give, don't give, promise — thank you, Lord…”

I had silently prayed as I thought of my dear sister in Christ as she struggled sleeping over her day, yet another sister missing her hubby, yet another sister crying out to God over her boys, yet another & another ...

Really? Is what she asked me, you really believe God hears you? Yes!! and I believe He cares, and He loves, and He restores, and He redreams & He provides & He protects. Really? Again, she asked.

She looks me right in the eye.  So then, “If God really works in everything, why don’t we thank Him for everything? Why do we accept good from His hand — and not bad?”  This is hard. Maybe the hardest of all. She is confused, weary & tired. She has so much to come.

I have held dying babies. Eaten with those who live on the town garbage heap. Wept with women who’ve been violated, with the bankrupt, the heart crushed, the terminal, the incarcerated, the elderly, the toddler, the Africaan that couldn't understand my words ~ yet heard my heart!

And this never stops being true:   Neglecting to give thanks only deepens the wound of the world.  I've stood next to the one that had nothing but a smile and JOY ~ joy from the Lord that was indescribable and contagious.

Doesn’t God call His people to a non-discriminating response in all circumstances?
 “Give thanks always and for everything” (Ephesians 5:20 ESV).

This is the hardest of all.

If I only thank Him when times are easy & good  — is this “selective faith”? Practical atheism? What of faith in a God who wastes nothing? Who makes all into grace?

And yet — is thanking God for everything… thanking Him for evil?  Really? is what I ask!  I am tired, confused, frustrated as I struggle over the every thing ~ everything!

When we bought the enemy’s lie in the beginning and ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, Satan hissed then that we’d really see and know what is good and evil.  But the father of lies, he’d duped us in the whole nine yards, from the beginning, from the get-go, TODAY.  Though we ate of that tree we did not become like God.  If any of us wants wisdom, we are to ask it of God and seek it ~ to pursue it.

We have no knowledge of good and evil apart from God. My seeing, it is not omniscient.  It may definitely feel like it — but how can I really see the long-term outcome of a death, disaster, dilemma, a prodigal son, drug addiction, alcoholism, abuse & a bombing at a marathon ...? Mine is only to faithfully see His Word and wholly, passionately obey. Therein is the tree of life ~ His Word is a light unto my feet, His Word is life to my soul, it is balm over my wounds, it is music to my soul,
 it is ________________. (Consider what it is to you ~ and let me know!)

Is this why He commands “give thanks always and for everything?"  Because to thank God in all is to refuse Satan’s relentless lure to be god-like in all.

To thank God in all is to bend the knee in allegiance to God Who alone knows all.
To thank God in all is to give God glory in all. Is this not our chief end?  Glory stories abound!
When I only give thanks for some things, aren’t I likely to miss giving God glory in most things?

Murmuring thanks isn’t to deny that an event isn’t a tragedy and neither does it deny that there’s a cracking painfully aching fissure straight across the heart.

Giving thanks is only this: making the canyon of pain into a megaphone to proclaim the ultimate goodness of God. Isn't (shouldn't) His grace be enough for us?

Our thanks to God is our witness to the goodness of God when Satan and all the world would sneer at us to recant.

I lay my hand on my heart and confess "Lord, I've been so negligent and haven't gave You thanks! Hear my  heart and know I am thankful and I love you, and Your grace and mercy wash over me.

But this is the hardest of all:  That which I refuse to thank Christ for, I refuse to believe Christ can redeem. That disaster, dilemma, a prodigal son, drug addiction, alcoholism, abuse ... so where is my faith?!

His perfect love casts out all fears and leaves only thanks and I listen:  Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord.

Like a song from the belly of the fish, like a Jonah refrain echoing off the walls of the whale: “But I with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you…” (Jonah 2:9 ESV)

Like a haunting, holy answer to what she asks (really?), the song of the saints, always thanksgiving — Paul from prison, Martha from the kitchen, Peter from hiding, John asking if Jesus had forgotten him, Mary in the stable ... practicing here the only song that will be sung at the very last of time, “Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving… to our God” (Rev. 7:12 ESV).
Blessing & Glory & Wisdom & Thanksgiving ....   Thank you, Lord.

If for just a day all I said was "thank you, Lord", the brazen song the faithful sing into the hardest storms….

Oh how I pray for all of my mid-west family & friends .... I love you & I miss you .... I pray for you!!
Learning & Living,

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Birds & Blessings ....

Birds fascinate me ...
their motion, their sounds, their colors, how they live & eat, and when they appear. As they don't always appear, and you have to be quiet to hear them. But when you do spot one it's exciting. Just this morning, we heard them but couldn't see them ... then all of a sudden a cardinal, a blue jay & a brown hawk all made their grand entrance. WoW!! We all seemed to be thrilled. But wait, it's the Creator we celebrate, as He shows off His creatures to us. And we know He takes care of them, as He also takes care of us. WoW!!

Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

WoW!! and Yes, you are much more valuable than they ... Jesus loves you & me. So we are blessed beyond measure all because of Christ.

Birds .... & Blessings  ~ go lQQk for yourself & let me know what you think.


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Ugly living & a big ol' mess ... WRECKED by Jeff Goins


The man came out of the guest room reeking of alcohol and slurred his words. He talked loudly. He had told me earlier in the weeks behind us that he had been sober for 10 months. It was a lie. I called him on it. I asked where all his money had gone. There wasn't an answer. I asked where did you go all night? There wasn't an answer. 1 Peter 4 tells us to love deeply and that LOVE covers a multitude of sins; of which I completely understand ~ where would the humbleness, remorse and grief begin to appear I wondered? .

I shared with him we had a God that was much bigger than alcoholism and any other circumstance we find ourselves in. I asked him to give God another chance. I know he heard my words, but I know he didn't want to hear my words anymore at this point in his life.  And so, I begin to beg God (again!) as to be gentle with all of them and to capture his heart & devotion. God wants us to come just as we are. He says "Come to me and I will make you new." "That God will restore the years that the locust have eaten."

It won't be easy but God promises to hold us. "Do not fear, do not be dismayed for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my Righteous Right Hand." Isaiah 42:10

Life can be so messy when we take our eyes off Jesus. But Jesus doesn't leave, we do. He is always there, waiting with open arms. So shouldn't we do the same. Standing and confronting a drunk man in love is not in my comfort zone. But then Jesus hanging on the cross for my sins was not in His comfort zone either. But He did it. He didn't walk away. We don't like to hear the dirty, messy tales of lives, but they are all over the place.  NOT sure where my story ends ... I know Who wins, I just don't have the glory yet ... waiting for the prodigals to return home to their Dad.

Yes, life is messy if your eyes are open and you choose to look. It's dirty and heartbreaking and in the mess, blessings and grace abound!

From Jeff Goins, the author of Wrecked, "When a Broken World Slams into Your Comfortable Life
Go for broke. Choose the hard option. Do what comfort screams "no"to - what will ultimately shape you and help others. It my be counterintuitive or against what you've been taught, but do it anyway. Step into inconvenience. Welcome the anxiety that comes with doing the right choice. And be wrecked.
This is the only kind of wreck I know of where we should actually go out looking for. And in the frustration and mess and tears  . . . there is love  . . . incredible, unconditional love!"

http://wreckedthebook.com

Go on . . . get wrecked!
I did and I wouldn't go back and change it.  It's a journey & process in the making ~
If you have any inkling of stepping into inconvience and getting wrecked and being blessed, then I highly recommend you read this book.

If you do, please share with me, I would love to hear!  I'd gladly re-read it alongside of you also ~ just let me know.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Do you want to get well? It's a question asked of all of us ...

Me ~ Do I want to get well? In what areas you ask? Well, all of them .. it's a journey, a process, it can't and won't happen over night.  So, as God does His best with me ~ He graciously takes an area at a time, often overlapping a few of them too.... As He guides, directs, prunes and grows me ~ I want to be obedient and "get well."


And the degree to which we’ll do what He tells us to do to trash the trash in our lives, also holds some weight. (Weight - it's the area I am currently within ~ see, I've battled this badboy for most of my life). Sometimes we know exactly what to do to get well, but we’re just stubborn enough not to do it. Yet, He says He’s given us everything we need for life and godliness. Not that we would get caught up in just following the rules, but that we would get caught up in the grace offered to us.  And I am completely and totally addicted to His grace; as there is NOTHING ~ NO THING that compares to it!
The verse that follows has come up DAILY this week, therefore, I know that I know that I know (KWiM?) that God is saying ... pay attention to this one, please! It can take me longer than the average bear.

“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.” 2 Peter 1:3-4

Mercy, what messes we are all in. Not one of us is immune and not one of us is perfect. This is both good news and bad news! Because none of us is immune to any pit of sin means we need Jesus in the worst way, but because none of us will attain perfection here on earth means we can cut one another a little slack. It also means for those of us perfectionists, to take a chill pill. Or, for those of us holding someone to a perfect standard, to take them off the high horse we’ve put them on. I am preaching to myself here ... I know, I know and still I don't ~ Uggh. Help me Lord!

I’m far from being any type of scholar, but naturally I thought of the healing at the pool that Jesus performed.

“After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.” Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.” And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.” John 5:1-9 (ESV)

I’m not going to pretend I know all the history of all that went on here, but can we all agree that thirty-eight years is a long time? I realize that some of us are bound up for much longer than that, but isn’t it exhausting?

I may have grown up in church, but I can assure you I didn’t even begin to think about grabbing onto some healing until I was 18 and a senior in high school. And it wasn’t for the lack of people encouraging me, pointing me towards truth and loving on me. It was because of my own pride, and the fact that I liked my sin. It felt good. I can’t imagine an invalid feeling good, but I can imagine getting too lazy in our sin that we never want to get up and move on, because if any of us have tried, we can testify that it is h-a-r-d.  And healing means change, often radical change and that is H - A - R - D.

Notice that after Jesus asked him if he wanted healing, he didn’t even say yes! He gave an excuse as to why he was still laying there.  I have and have had a list, a very long list of excuses (of which are all lies) and how pathetic of me ... do you have excuses? Can we at least agree, we all have excuses and to us they sound legit but they NEVER really are; so here begins the healing ~ removing the first layer of lies we believe for ourselves.

Is that not so true of us? We can think of every excuse in the book as to why our healing has yet to come to us. As to why we’re still drowning in sin. Or why that stronghold still holds all the power in the world over us. Or, "I can believe God for a miracle, even a healing, for YOU but not for me."

“I have no one to help me…” who are we waiting for? Who are you waiting for? What is that one thing you think can heal you? PLEASE, stop waiting. His name is Jesus. He is my Redeemer, Rewarder, Restorer, Re-dreamer, Lover of my soul, .... (keep the list going!)

That brokenness, that shame, that addiction, the mindset, that sin cycle, that stronghold, that lie, that greed, that lust, that past, that self hate. He came for that. Our excuses, though they may seem legitimate at the time, are illegitimate.

“Get up, take up your bed and walk!” Today is the day. Want to walk with me? Let's not do this alone ... I need YOU & YOU need me.

If it seems impossible, it might be, but the Lord knows your fears. Knows how painful it might be. But He’s still telling you to get up and walk! Walk free! Walk confidently! Maybe it’s time to stop asking God for some healing and believe He’s granted us the freedom. The freedom He gave us on the cross.

Or maybe you have yet to even ask the Lord for some freedom, but you’re dying for some! Today is the day to ask! Tell Him every single detail. What may seem insignificant to you, is not to Him.

Some of us need to let God simply demonstrate His power through us.

He is trustworthy. He cares. He sees. He loves.

Learning & Living .... m

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I believe .... statement of my FAITH ~


I believe that being a Christian isn’t a thing we do only on Sundays, and that church isn’t something that just happens at the altar or in a sanctuary or in a building & that grace abounds everywhere – sometimes where I least expect it.
I am a truth-seeker, Bible-believer, addicted to grace, passionately in love with Jesus and in need of a Savior daily.
I believe in a Savior who died for the outcast, the town drunk, the corporate executive, the preacher, the doubter, the prostitute, the rude waitress, the junkie and the guy who cut me off in traffic. I believe in a Savior who died for me.
I believe that even if people make fun of you – even if your own Christian community rolls its eyes at you – it’s still OK to be “on fire for Jesus,”  to call yourself a Jesus Freak and to raise your hands in church. And I also think it’s OK if you don't.  But let's unpack all that you've learned or are learning about Jesus, the lover of your soul.
I believe that every moment is an opportunity to offer love and to find a way to forgive. I believe all those things can happen anywhere: in funeral homes, in subway stations and in the sandbox, at the community pool, at the park right after a mean kid throws sand in your toddler’s eye, in the high school parking lot ... every where and any where. For we will be known by our love (and believe me, I am NOT perfect in this area at all). 
I also believe this: I am saved but still a sinner & that I will never ever ever lose my salvation. NOPE, it's not gonna happen ~ for Christ died for me, to set me free. 
I believe in scandalous grace, and that the Cross is the most priceless and costly gift the world has ever seen. I believe that it really is all because of Jesus.  My dailyness is all for and because of Christ. 
I believe that  Jesus is more than a wise teacher, a fine philosopher or a miracle worker. I believe that He is God, the living Word, who became flesh. I believe He voluntarily atoned for my sin by dying on the Cross. I believe He rose from the dead, ascended into Heaven and is seated at the right hand of God the Father.
I believe the Holy Spirit is a divine Person.
I believe that the same Spirit who hovered over the waters and who inspired the prophets and who fell upon the first believers, is the very same Spirit who guides and empowers believers today ~ that's you and me! 
I believe that the Holy Bible is God's true word; that it is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness. (2 Timothy 3:16) I enjoy reading, memorizing, meditating, talking, unpacking & studying God's word ~ will you join me?
I believe that salvation is a work of God’s free grace and is not the result of human works, “being good” or taking part in religious ceremonies.
I believe that God exists, even creation can verify He exists. Often when I open my Bible, I can almost smell God ~ and no, it's not Old Spice ~ it's God. 
All people matter to God, for He is patient NOT wanting any one to perish (2 Peter 3:9). Jesus loves you & me.
I believe in miracles; I am one.  I've been eye-witness to a few also. I believe in glory stories, for God loves to bless His beloved ... and others are encouraged by your glory story. 
I’m a mess. I live in a mess ...and life is hard ~  however; because of that, I believe I will always need forgiveness, I will always need a Savior and I will always look to Him for my very life. I don't have all the answers ~ but I know I can pray & talk it all out to Jesus honestly, from my heart and He will listen, and never leave me. That there is real power in prayer. 
I believe that Jesus Christ is coming again. 
And I believe that this is not the end,
and that there is hope for all people ~~
and that Love came to rescue the weak and
the broken and the angry, the lost,
the confused & the helpless and … YOU
& me.
And as a believer, so in love with Jesus ~ I believe that I will live with Him forever.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Alligator, alligator ...

What has the potential to scare the wits out of me, can and indeed can also bless me. Let me explain, living in SW FL I know that alligators live here. I have wanted to see one not in captivity, but not so close and personal. Well .... We took a short walk in my neighborhood after a severe rain storm and just looked into the pond. Thought it strange there weren't any fish ~ fish love to come out after a storm (best fishing times!). So ... I thought let's look on the other side of the bridge. Oh fishy fish where are you? NONE! but out of the corner of my eye I saw a wiggle, then a gator head popped up and look at me. I told him to stay put.  We (darlin' daughter & me) quickly made our exit.  After thinking about it, I regretted not having my camera and/or phone ... but I captured it in my heart and thanked God for the viewing and our safety.

So, my Q for all of U: What scares you that could bless you?   A thunderstorm with symphonic sounds? A relationship that is so undefinable, yet it's from the Lord?  A child that can't speak, yet communicates by hugging you daily .... what blesses you?

Hoping you all grow in grace, and cling to the knowledge we gain/attain in the Lord. Blessed I am!!